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I am not ready to be on the spotlight

On my last post I shared with you some strange day I was having. That bittersweet day when things get on well but all of a sudden you realise you are not ready for all of it.

So this one, it is in fact that moment that I have been fearing the most. The reality hitting me directly on my face.

Things were going OK. I started being part of the Buffyverse, Whedonverse etc. So the start is like you have this group where people will share thoughts, moments and comments on our favourite shows but you have no-one else to talk about this stuff. Tara, Willow, Buffy, Dawn, Kennedy, Spike -oh Spike!- etc. 

You are getting to know all this people in there...

And then someone posted a beautiful collage of photos of Lorne and Andy. People commenting: R.I.P., I miss him, Oh I didnt know he passed away, Loved him etc

Posted on Facebook by Christine Schmoeger


I couldn't help but comment on it on present tense. Because it is all present tense for me. For all those that had the enormous chance and fortune to meet/know him back in the day, it's all past, just the memory lives on forever as a present tense.

I can't imagined how hard was for Andy's family, fans, friends and people that knew him and discovered his soul and grace.  But for me it's double hard, not comparing at all, but you have to face this awesome man is gone forever while you live your present but trying to make up your mind that despite you see him and what you feel, that has to be over soon because it ain't real.

And then here comes me, with an extraordinary imagination, trying to convince myself this is some kind of wrong but right thing at the same time. Some kind of weird and awesome thing (I think).

And Angel will show up in reruns in the future and people, other people, will discover Lorne and will be touched by Andy's sould and heart. And everything will start again.

So after all, I am not ready just yet to post this public everywhere. I am not ready to the Whedonverse know about what has just happened in my life.... and how that changed my life.

And how much I want my life to be this way (despite it means to live in the past forever)...

*Sigh*

So after all, there's only one thing left to say... :

Merry Christmas to ya'll 


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